Welcome to day 10 of blogmas.
My mental health has been up and down over the last few months. I have had quite a few periods where I’ve felt completely fine and on top of the world. I’ve then also had moments where I have felt the lowest of lows which hasn’t been fun. I’ve noticed that my depression has been playing up a lot more than my anxiety but when my anxiety is around, it’s really bad. I’ve also had days where I’ve felt completely disassociated from the world. It’s this feeling that I don’t belong to my body if that makes sense. It’s very strange.
To be fair, quite a few things have changed in my life. I applied for University back in March of this year to study Politics and I had every intention of going. However, it had only been a few months since I dropped out of my old University and my mental health was still not great. I cancelled my application which made me feel quite low. Would I ever get to university? I then applied for a job and had very low expectations for myself. I struggle really badly with keeping a job. The longest I’ve lasted is a week which isn’t exactly great. However, I lasted an entire season (my job is a seasonal job) and I’m looking forward to returning next year.
I also applied for university again. I know, I know. However, I feel more ready now than I ever have done. Having that job has done wonders for my confidence which I’m pleased about. Hopefully, I will be happy and content and ready to go.
Of course, this year has been a little strange with the circumstances. When the first lockdown was announced, I was worried that I wouldn’t be able to cope and I was actually quite surprised with how well I did. I kept myself busy which is always a good thing to do at any time, let alone a lockdown. There has been a sense of anxiousness from me though worrying about my Mum and whether she would get it. She’s high-risk so the last thing we want is for her to get it. I pushed through that though and now we’re at the end of the year.
I am aware that this blog post hs come across as me continuously rambling. However, what I’ve said has purely come from the heart and is how I’m truly feeling. My mind isn’t organised. It jumps back and forth which is a bit like my mental health.
Thankfully, at the time of writing, I’m doing okay. I’m getting there. I’m making progress.