At the moment, the majority of my friends are off to university which is a huge step in life. You’re one step closer to being in the outside world. Getting a job, earning money, getting a house, maybe starting a family etc. You’re growing up which is obviously very daunting.
I’m not due to go to University until next year which means I’m in the middle of the process of applying. Admittedly, this hasn’t been the smoothest of processes.
You see, back on Wednesday, I essentially had a massive breakdown. If you know me, you know I suffer with Anxiety and Depression, in particular separation anxiety surrounding my Mum. Suddenly I felt like I couldn’t go. What if something happened to my Mum? What if I couldn’t get home? What if I couldn’t get hold of her?
I then started to have this dilemma on whether university was what I actually wanted to do. I have a set plan in mind. I want to do an undergraduate degree in Politics and then do a masters in Journalism. That’s been my plan for quite a long time now. Then the thoughts started coming in about whether university was right for me. I’d be in debt, I’d be away from my Mum, I’d be in the middle of a big city. It’s a hard thing to put yourself through. You have this plan in your head for so long and then your brain is just like, “Meh. Nah.”
Once I got over that initial thought of whether university was what I wanted to do, I then went through a dilemma of “Do I go now or do I take a gap year?” I will admit, for a while I thought a gap year was the way forward. I’d be able to be more in control of my mental health, I’d be able to get some money behind me and I’d be with my parents. But then you start to wonder if by the time the gap year is over, do you actually want to go to university and I didn’t want to risk that.
I’m not going to lie, I am VERY anxious about going but I know deep down it is the right thing to do. I have an amazing support network. One of my friends is at University College London, another of my friends is planning on going to a London university like me, so it’s not like I’m going to be alone. Plus the train only takes an hour and a half to get me home (well, sometimes. Thanks southern).
So, I’m happy now. I want to go to university. I’m applying. I’ve made my choices. Currently I have KCL, Royal Holloway, City Uni of London, Queen Mary and Cardiff in mind. I’m in the process of starting my personal statement.
It’s going to be a long and tough journey to get to and through University but I know deep down, it will all be worth it. I’ve got this.